


of resentment and freedom

by ciuucalata



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Just a little bit of Angst, M/M, this takes place some time after adam and eve leave the garden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-30 22:16:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciuucalata/pseuds/ciuucalata
Summary: They were supposed to just look over the child without letting the parents know.





	of resentment and freedom

A pair of wide eyes look up at an angel and a demon, the child doesn’t seem afraid or confused. He is, instead, looking up in what someone might describe as wonder, that is, if babies as small as this one were capable of producing such feelings.

The demon, Crawley, looks down at him in what someone most definitely would describe as disgust. He feels his face pull into a grimace as the baby chews on his own fist, drool dripping down his chin and arm. He is briefly grateful that he never had to go through that phase, but then he remembers to whom he is grateful and he can once again taste the sulphur and smoke in the back of his throat.

He shifts his attention to the angel standing beside him. Aziraphale’s eye are as wide as the baby’s, and he seems just as fascinated by the sight in front of him. He has on one of the brightest smiles Crawley has ever seen, the first out of the so many he will also have the pleasure of bringing into existence. For now, he marvels as the beauty of it, guilt and shame spreading in the back of his mind like a drop of ink in water. He bears them until he is forced to look away by Aziraphale abruptly turning to face him.

“Isn’t he simply marvelous?” he asks.

Crawley looks back at the baby, now chewing on both of his tiny fists. Crawley grimaces once again. “That is one way of putting it.” He can still feel the angel’s eyes watching him, and all this sudden attention that is fully on him makes Crawley want to squirm. All he does in the end is to cross his hands over his chest.

It’s not necessarily a bad feeling. It’s just that he hadn’t expected to see those brilliant eyes look at him with so much scrutiny. It’s certainly better than a look of full hatred, he reasons.

“Oh, just look at him!” Aziraphale beams, turning to the baby. “Such a small, lovely thing.”

“Lovely,” Crawley repeats, not even trying to hide the skepticism from his voice. He still remembers Eve’s screams of pain from when she gave birth all that time ago. It looked as if it could have killed her at any moment. Crawley spent all those hours looking over her with worry eating him from inside before the baby came out screaming and a relieved smile appeared on Eve’s face.

Not for the first time he had wondered if he had destined humans to a sooner death than the one they would have had inside the Garden. Not even the part that promptly reminds him that he is a demon can make him stop caring about it.

Aziraphale turns to look at him again and frowns when he sees whatever expression Crawley has on his face right now. “Would you stop glaring at him? You’re making the poor thing uncomfortable.”

Crawley does as asked and turns his glare towards the angel. Aziraphale doesn’t eve flinch from it. Instead, he glares back at Crawley. 

“Oh, y-yea- of course! Sure! Why should I glare at the _ poor thing _ who almost killed Eve? It’s not like-”

“Oh, stop being ridiculous!” Aziraphale interrupts him. Crawley looks at him somewhat impressed, if he weren’t still feeling resentful, he would have been just a little bit proud of the angel’s outburst. Aziraphale, instead, looks too embarrassed to go on with his reproach.

Crawley is trying very hard, and most probably failing, to fight back a smile. “Are you calling the dangers of childbirth ridiculous, angel?”

“What? No, of course no!” he frowns at Crawley, but the fire that was behind his words before has already fizzled out. “What Eve went through looked absolutely agonizing. She was bedridden for days. And, my goodness, the tears and the blood and-”

Crawley shudders without meaning to. “Yes, Aziraphale. I know. I was there, too.”

Aziraphale smiles apologetically at him, then he turns to look back at the baby, and his expression melts back into an adoring smile. “But she looks so peaceful when she holds him in her arms. And do you remember with how much love she used to caress her belly while she was still bearing? Even back then, she was ready to do anything for this little thing.”

Aziraphale’s words are meant to give comfort and reassurance, but something inside of Crawley twists in such an ugly was that he wants to hiss. He can’t stop thinking that since God created the angels too, does that make Her their parent? Did She ever look at them wish as much affection as Eve or Adam do for their son? Did She ever laugh fondly at them because of how much she loved them? Did She also hurt and blame Herself after the War?

A part of Crawley wants to believe that She did, that She used to love him as much as Eve loves her son. But another part, the part whose wings still ache when the wind moves them, can’t even phantom such a thing being real.

He is startled out of the never ending spiral of his thoughts by wailing. He takes a step backwards and quickly looks at the angel. Aziraphale, though, is looking at the child with a worried frown.

“Oh! Oh, no, little one. Shh,” Aziraphale says, leaning over the baby with his arms outstretched as if ready to take him, but not sure how. He shoots Crawley a look that is part concern and part accusing, and it does its job at making the demon feel guilty.

Crawley looks down at the baby then. His little face is pinched as if he were in pain, the tears are running down his flushed cheeks without break and his little lungs are doing a great job at ignoring how small they are supposed to be. No wonder Adam and Eve look close to tears themselves whenever this happens. Crawley himself is nearing his breaking point if the crying doesn’t stop soon.

“Angel! Do ssssomething!” he didn’t mean to hiss; he feels too vulnerable like this. The crying gets louder and Crawley looks at Adam and Eve as they turn in their sleep. “Before the humanss wake up!” This is out of his control now.

“Oh, dear!” The angel seems just as close to breaking as Crawley feels. The only difference is that Aziraphale isn’t even trying to hold it back. “Should I… should 

I hold him?”

“Yesss!”

“I’m not sure… I know how.”

“Jusst do it!”

Aziraphale hesitates for only another second before he scoops the baby up in his arms. He still has on a panicked expression and he is holding the baby awkwardly, as if he were afraid of him. Crawley would roll his eyes if he wasn’t panicking himself. The baby, however, doesn’t stop his screaming for an instant, making it inevitable for the humans to wake up.

They were supposed to just look over the child without letting the parents know.

“You’re holding him wrong!” he says, taking a step forward ready to move Aziraphale’s hands the way he saw Eve doing it. However, he stops before he could reach the angel’s forearms and he freezes. Would it hurt if he were to put his hands on something that is still touched by God’s love and grace?

“What?”

“You’re holding him wrong.”

“Do something then!”

Crawley looks at the space between his fingers and Aziraphale’s body and decides that it’s not worth it. He takes a step back. Feeling the bitter taste of rejection again isn’t worth it. “What do you want me to do?” he asks, his words coming out sharper than he intended.

“I don’t know!” Aziraphale snaps back and it almost manages to make Crawley feel better. “Here, you hold him.!” He holds out and pushes the baby towards Crawley with an expression that leaves no room for argument.

Crawley, however, is good at finding a way to slip through tight places. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he laughs humorlessly, pointing a finger to himself. “Evil, remember?”

Aziraphale makes a frustrated sound. “Just hold him, please!”

Sometimes those tight places are really tight, though, and Crawley gets stuck.

He looks at the baby, who never stopped crying during their whole argument. The way Aziraphale holds him under the armpits looks really uncomfortable and seems to only make their situation worse. With a sigh, and bitten back guilt he takes the baby in his arms he makes sure to be careful of how he holds him and he hopes that all the time’s he’s watched Eve cradle her son will help him now.

Then, once the child is cradled in his arms still crying his lungs out, Crawley’s hand moves on its own volition to wipe away the wet cheeks. He realizes what he’s done and he looks embarrassed at Aziraphale to see if he noticed it, but the angel is still too focused on the baby. “Oh, wipe those tears, angel! One crying baby is more than enough.” 

He looks back down at the baby. Miraculously, he is slowly starting to calm down and Crawley feels his panic subsiding too. The child whines a little but doesn’t kick in Crawley’s arms anymore. 

And then he opens his eyes.

They are still blue for now, but soon they will change to match his parents’ eye color. A part of Crawley feels a sense of loss that he won’t be able to look him in the eye again and see the rich brown they will become. For now, those dark blue eyes look up at Crawley as if they haven’t shed a single tear.

As the wonder in the baby’s eyes start to match the one in Crawley’s eyes, the demon feels something opening and untwisting deep inside himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it :D 
> 
> you can also find me on tumblr [@ciuucalata](https://ciuucalata.tumblr.com/)


End file.
